Thursday, May 3, 2018

The Days When I Lose Hope

Days like this, days in which I lose hope, are the hardest. They happen, sometimes more often, sometimes less. But they always happen.

When stress and tiredness unite their forces, they manage to make me crumble and fall into a deep and dark place. There, at the bottom of the pit, there is no light, there is no ladder, there is no hope.

All of a sudden, that precious, chimeric concept that keeps me going, HOPE, is gone like it has never existed, leaving a huge emptiness behind it.

I feel small and lost. I feel like the person I was yesterday, that person that could take on the world, is gone and I’m afraid she may never return.

And then I panic. I panic because only she can take care of my son and his needs. I panic because I could never keep up with the things she does. I panic because I am not a fighter. I panic...

But then I remember this quote I read with the corner of my eye on a subway poster.
“When you get tired, learn to rest not to give up”.

It took me a while to understand this but I think I finally got a hold of it. I cannot stop stressful things from happening any more than I can stop being tired. So, I cannot prevent these days from happening but I can stop fueling them with my fears. So I just step back for a couple of days, breathe deeply and try to release as much stress as I can.

If Stress + Tiredness < Critical then my “take on the world” self will return. I'm counting on it!