The Wrath of Titans or How the Greeks Became Christians

Yesterday I’ve seen “The Wrath of Titans”, a movie about which I’ve only heard bad critics but I decided to see it anyway. What can I say, I’m a sucker for lost causes. It’s supposed to be based on Greek mythology but after the repeated rape of Greek mythology in “Clash of Titans” and “Immortals” there was not much hope left in me.

The movie starts and we are reminded of how Perseus killed the Kraken. It doesn’t even matter that the Kraken had never crossed paths with Greek mythology. It’s a fancy name that deserves to be used in a movie, or two, or ten.

Who's he suppose to be? St. George?

The story is that, frustrated by his father’s favoritism to Perseus, Ares joins forces with Hades in order to release Chronos . What’s wrong with this idea? Well, let’s see. Chronos was the one that, feeling threatened by the fact that his kids will grow up and take his place, decided to eat them.  So, Zeus and Hades had shared their dad’s stomach once before. How probable it is that Hades would wish for another family reunion like this?

And talking about the family reunion, the only Olympian gods that we have in this movie are: Zeus, Hades, Poseidon, Hephaistos and  Ares. What happened to the other gods? There are Athena, Aphrodite, Hermes or  Apollo? By how bad this movie is going I think they died of boredom.

There is one thing that the people who made the movie really didn’t get about the gods. THEY WERE IMMORTAL! In this movie you have a god dieing every 15 minutes! Out of the five gods that are representing Olympus in this movie, the only one who survives is Hades.

The Death of the Gods and the Rise of the New Religion

The only conclusion I can reach is that according to this movie, the Greeks ran out of gods and started asking around for a new religion and that’s how they’ve stumbled upon Christianity (“Nice religion, we’ll take two” – since Greeks are twice as religious as every other Christian on the face of the earth having Mount Athos and all).